“When my mother first moved from California to Houston to live with me, I expected my care giving to last months instead of years. That was seven years ago, and she is still with me.”

Many family caregivers find it easy to respond to the senior loved one’s care giving needs in the beginning, or in an emergency.  It is a natural, instinctive response to reach out to the ones we love in their time of need. But when a short term situation develops into a more complicated or long term one, it is an enormous adjustment. And just when you are getting adjusted to new demands, those demands will undoubtedly change as your senior’s needs change and as the demands in your own life change.

Our best advice– that comes from over 16 years of watching and working with family caregivers– is to pace yourself in the beginning. And as your senior transitions from one state of health to another, determine if you can continue the care you have been providing without assistance. Assistance may be in the form of another family member, a friend or neighbor, an adult day care center or a licensed agency such as ours. Help can be short term, long term or intermittent, but if you need a helping hand…reach out for it.

Here are some tips you help you along:

• Avoid Unrealistic Expectations

Unrealistic expectations can set you up for negative emotions, frustration, guilt and a host of other emotions you’d rather not have.  Set priorities and boundaries. Think realistically.  Set your limits and don’t go beyond them. Remember that there is an adjustment period. Don’t expect too much too soon.

• Take Care of You Own Health

You’ve probably heard this hundreds of times because it’s really difficult to do. It’s one of the major reasons that a family care giving arrangement fails. Sadly, eating healthy, exercising, sleeping, and taking time for yourself –all the things you feel you have no time for and have put on the back burner—are the activities you must schedule daily. Start with the area where you are weakest and build from there.

• Don’t Go It Alone

Maintain and nurture your friendships. Seek support from the people who care about you, who love and encourage you. Look for those who understand your efforts and problems and who can help you clarify important issues and decisions.

• Identify Your Strengths

We all have expertise, areas of interest and strengths. In a care giving situation it is very important to identify these in yourself and in the other caregiving family members. It makes delegating and implementing tasks go easier, and diminishes the number of other tasks to be assigned or delegated.  Using your strengths is usually a self-esteem builder as well.

• Let Go of Guilt

Some people will make you feel guilty, but most of the guilt feelings you carry will come from your own feeling of not being a good enough caregiver. If you are doing your best to keep up with the many demands of care giving, there is no reason to feel guilty.

If you realize that your best is not good enough to meet all the needs, it is time to get help.

• Join a Support Group

Support groups for caregivers can be extremely beneficial. They enable overburdened caregivers to express their feelings in a supportive setting, as well as gaining practical advice from others who are going through the same or similar situation. Support groups can help you in making the difficult decisions involved in caregiving and in considering the effects of continuing caregiving responsibilities.

• Get Respite Care

Never feel guilty about getting away for respite–even the best caregiver needs periods of respite. Taking some time off for yourself is not a sign of weakness and will help you more than you realize. And have you ever thought that the care recipient might benefit as much? Make time for an evening at home without interruption, a drive in the country, dinner with a friend. Get out and go somewhere for a change of scenery at least once a month. Respite is a kind of coping mechanism. It may take a little experimenting to find out what is best for you but in the end, it will prove to be the best tonic for caregivers.

Innovative Nurses and Sitters is a 16 year old licensed agency that is expert in providing respite care. Everyone on our administrative team is now or has been a caregiver for a family member. Call us today.